Oozing Goo - The Lava Lamp Syndicate

Why I won't be buying any more lamps from Spencer's. Disclaimer: I'm not actually a Karen

I know what you're gonna say. I should have known better. I did know better. Any Lava brand lamp made post-2003 is dicey at best. Well, I'm happy to report that I've actually had pretty good luck with purchasing new 17" lamps. I picked up a couple from the Schylling website last week made in 2019 that both look and function just fine.


And a solid two out of the three lamps that arrived today from Spencer's were, in the immortal words of Meatloaf, ain't bad.

However. The one that is bad is very bad. It came out of the box so cloudy that I can't even see through the water. It's supposed to be clear liquid/red lava. The liquid is not only not clear, but kind of a muddy beige color. The globe looks like a very foggy sunrise on Mars. I'm getting Total Recall vibes. It's so cloudy that Kuato could be hiding in there and I would have no idea.

The first thing I did upon seeing that horrible liquid was to immediately place the lamp back in its packaging and get it ready to return. Now, I wouldn't boycott a whole company over one bad lamp, especially if that company isn't even responsible for manufacturing the lamps they sell. But I AM boycotting them over their return policy. Exhibit A: Their return policy. Go here and click on the "My lava lamp arrived cloudy" to expand it. https://www.spencersonline.com/content.jsp?pageName=ProdInfo

Quote: "Cloudy globes are NOT considered defective."

... Really?! Well faaaaaabulous. So now I'm stuck with this gross lamp and I'm out forty bucks. The website is all "well just run it for a few days and it will clear up" and I'm over here like

Come On Dont Bullshit Me GIF - ComeOnDontBullshitMe GIFs

So yeah. If you are unlucky enough to get a defective, cloudy lamp from Spencer's, no returns or exchanges allowed. Hence, I won't be buying from them again in the future.

Postscript: I put the lamps in my cart and then got distracted by something IRL and forgot to buy them, so Spencer's sent me a "Hey we saw that you put things in your cart, can we entice you with this coupon?" email. The email said "use this promo code" but there was just a blank space where the promo code should have been. I called Spencer's and they gave me a new promo code so I could take advantage of the deal. I was actually really happy with their customer service. So I'll just say that my decision to not buy any more lamps from them is not some personal vendetta against Spencer's. I just think it's ugly of them to wash their hands of cloudy lamps.

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Comment by John on August 24, 2021 at 6:24pm
One thing I will say is the light bulbs are cheaper at Spencers than Walmart. Shocked me today. Managed to get two up and running again.
Comment by Robert Israel on July 26, 2020 at 10:21am

My spencers has always been great with exchanging lava if its cloudy. The manager doesn't mind me opening and checking them before buying. 

Comment by Michael on May 27, 2020 at 4:46pm

Was this an online purchase? I’ve never personally had an issue returning lamps to the store in-person and I have definitely done so many times for various reasons in the past. I’ve literally told them everything from, it was a gift and I didn’t like the design to it was just plain defective. At the very least they have always offered to exchange. But even without a receipt they’ve offered a gift card for the returned amount. 

Comment by Rach on May 19, 2020 at 8:59pm

Comment by Mr MaGoo 12 minutes agoDelete Comment

How does the old saying go...Let me see if I get this right.  You can not polish a TURD!

Spit Take GIF - Spit Take Laugh GIFs

Comment by Rach on May 19, 2020 at 8:55pm
Comment by Mr MaGoo on May 19, 2020 at 8:44pm

How does the old saying go...Let me see if I get this right.  You can not polish a TURD!


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